Beware the bridesmaids!

So last night Speedy, Squeaky, and I were lamenting the demise of Xanga...which got us talking about how stupid our blog entries in college were...which got me thinking about said blog entries. I seem to recall that I had a habit of just posting funny things that people said or in some cases entire transcripts of funny conversations that we had. So in the spirit of honoring Xanga/paying tribute to our college selves, I give you a transcript of Last Night's Conversation: 

ME (to Katie): When I get married, I want you to be in charge of cake distribution and crowd management. 

SPEEDY: YES! I get to be the wedding bouncer! 

ME: That's right. I'm gonna give you a microphone so you can tell everyone, "okay, you've got five minutes to eat cake and get out. Leave your gifts at the door." 

SPEEDY: Well, I'd probably give them more than five minutes. People have to eat the cake and they'll probably want to socialize a bit since a lot of people won't be able to go to the temple and all. 

ME: Let me explain something to you about my people (Mormons). When it comes to time, you have to lie to us. It's not just about being late. Telling them five minutes will get everyone cleared out in like half an hour. It's perfect. 

SQUEAKY: So maybe we should say two minutes so they'll be out in half the time. 

ME: No, we'd better stick with five. See, you gotta at least pretend to be subtle about the lie. If it's just two minutes, they'll see through that as an attempt to get them to leave and they'll revolt. Five minutes is more believable. Now Cap'n, I want you to be in charge of decoration and be an assistant to the bouncer. 

SQUEAKY: Can I have a Super Soaker full of coffee to spray at people? 

ME: Oooh, coffee. That would scare the crap out of a lot of Mormonfolk! 

SQUEAKY: I will keep it hidden behind a crucifix on the wall so when trouble strikes I can grab it and rush into action. 

ME: Umm...well, that could work, except you wouldn't find a crucifix at a Mormon church. You'd have to hide it behind like...a painting of Joseph Smith or something. 

SQUEAKY: No, it could still work. See, I'll be praying for you while you're in the temple, so whatever church I'm at I'll hide it behind their crucifix. 

ME: See, that's all the more reason why I should get married in the Nauvoo temple, because Saints Peter and Paul Catholic church is right next door, so that would be really convenient for you. 

SQUEAKY: YES! 

ME: Wait...we don't have any paintings of Joseph Smith hanging up. And the reception wouldn't be at the Nauvoo temple, so maybe that wouldn't work. But I'm sure it would be around the corner or something. Maybe we should just have it hidden somewhere in the church with a sign that says "in case of the need to squirt someone with coffee, break glass." 

(thinks)

What could Emily do at my wedding? (thinks) She could be assistant to Jessie when it comes to decorating, and she will be in charge of sewing. Anything that needs to be sewn, that's all Emily. 

Sorry I've neglected the blog for so long. I will write more, good readers! Promise!